Put Them In Check

This lovely couple are not only best buddies, but family, Rudy and Jereel.
And during the preparation of our wedding, Rudy saved many a life.
One of the things I came to realize is dispite the face we were an older couple and paying for our own wedding, that people, friend and family, would still feel they had the right to say something about our wedding.
"Why do you have to have such a big wedding?"
"Why don't you just elope or go to the Justice of the Peace?"
"It's isn't going to be a Jewish Wedding, is it?"
"You'd been married before, what's the big deal?"
And then there is my all time favorite: "Your not wearing white, are you?"
No, I wore ivory and if I did chose to wear white that would be MY business. In a Jewish wedding, it isn't about how many times you have been married. A Jewish wedding is about celebrating a new beginning, a new creation. This bride and this groom make a new family. White is wore to celebrate a fresh start; white is the sign of joy and happiness. That is why a Jewish woman, whether widow or divorced wears white, because this is a new beginning.
Mark, knowing my heart, wanted to give me the wedding of my dreams. He wanted to celebrate his love for me and this wedding was his love gift to me, his beloved.
I remember one Shabbat, in tears, speaking to Rudy because of the trouble we were having.
"Tell me ask you a few questions," I remember Rudy saying.
"Who is Mark marrying? Who is paying for this wedding? If they don't have a shilling in that pound, then girlfriend, you need to put those folks in check."
How right she was.
So the next time someone had something to say about the Wedding, I simply said: "Mark and I figured out how much we wish to spend on this wedding. How much are you planning to chip in?"
A few days later, I had to inform someone at Beth Messiah that Mark told me to tell anyone who has a problem with how we are doing things, come talk to him.
Problem solved.

In May, we had members on both side of the families become ill. Mark and I were running here, there and everywhere taking care of this person, looking after that person, along with planning our wedding. And in the mist, we saw once again, hands working to pull us apart.
Having sat down with our Rabbi, it was decicded to push up the wedding date to June. This way we could deal with all that we facing as a couple.
We were thankful the vendors were able to work with us. But this met the lost of several memebers of our wedding party, but thankfully we had enough time to do some adjustments
And I felt better with getting married in June.
But this meant we had to work twice as hard and fast on the Huppah.

And Then It Happen

Me, working on our Huppah. Our Huppah is a huge Prayer shawel with the colours from the Tent of Meetings.

In each corner is a Lion of Yudah. On them are stitched our Hebrew names, place and date of marriage.

Mark's Prayer Shawl. Made of Gold ribbons that denotes he will be the priest of our home. My love gift to my bridegroom.

So with the date (August) the Place (Beth Messiah) the Theme (High Priest Marriage to the Daughter of the High Priest) and wedding party (Sarah, brides maids, our sisters and my namesake as flower girl, four Huppah holders and two bestmen) flowers ordered,decorator in place, we began the work of the Huppah and Mark's wedding attire.
Any couple that can survive their wedding plans are sure to have awonderful life together.
I could "see" how the Huppah would look, but examing it to Mark was another matter. After, who doesn't understand "this big and this long???"
A man who needs measurements.
Details, details.
So, I began went through my sewing box and after blowing off the dust, handed Mark my measuring tape.
"You sew and you don't us a measuring tape?"
Go figure!
We went to up to the spot where the Huppah would be posted and Mark took measurements of the stage, based on where the posts should rest. This way I had a picture in my head of how it would be placed and Mark had his measuremnents for the materials.
We found two lovley pieces of linen; one for the Huppah and the other for his Prayer Shawel. We had to go to all five Michael in our area for find enough royal red, blue, purple and gold ribbons. The silver bells and Stars of David were at a ScrapeBook store.
In each corner was a cross-stitched Lion of Yudah. Mark, who cross-stitches also did two and I did the other two.
This was the beginning of our learning to work, learning each other's languge and creating our own.
And then it happen:
Family drama.
Fact is: the birthing of a blessed union, a man and woman leaving their homes and becoming one is no mean feat. There is bound to be fireworks and flairups.
And we were no exception.
We thought since we were paying for our wedding, planning and doing the work, there should be no problems within the families.
Yeah. Right.

The Theme

Life has been crazy, but I am finally getting back to this jounral:

Every wedding has a theme. Even if is a simple, imformal affair, it reflects the couple and their relationship.
I had dreamed of a Jewish wedding for years; the making of my own Huppah and prayer shawel for my beloved. A veiling, the breaking of the glass. I also knew I wanted the Banners and dancers.
During the time of our courntship and engagement, we were studying the Book of Revelation. The Theme is the marriage of the High Priest (Yeshua) to the daughter of the High Priest (Believers) it is a royal wedding. Since as believers, we are a "royal priesthood" I took the idea and ran with it. Thus the idea of a Garden wedding, liken to the returning to the Garden of Eden.
I was thinking small, but Mark said he knew my heart and wanted me to have the wedding of my dreams.
And I did.
The colours were ivory and lavender. The plan was for Mark's buddy Sam (they served in Iraq together) to be bestman and my namesake, Little Elana to be my Flowergirl. Nice and simple.
Yeah, Right.

Since the Huppah would have to be held, we had to have Huppah holders. I wanted the Dancers and the Banners. And of course with a formal wedding gown, a wedding party.
So, with everything in place, we begin to work to make the wedding of our dreams come true.
And also have a very wise Rabbi who reminded us that the Wedding is One day, the Marriage is a lifetime. Remember which is more important.

The Place

Yes, I loved our Synagoguge.
But it was in a word: ugly.
It had been transformed from a Christian grade school and still had the look despite the objects of worship that grace the building.
We looked at several places.
Mark didn't wish a garden wedding. He had been a best man in one and it rained that day. He was in his army blues. Wool.
Do you know what wool smells like when it is wet?
So a garden wedding was out.
Or was it?
We looked at several places. They either didn't fit who we were, or we would not be able to have pictures taken during the services. Many places do not allow pictures to be taken during the service. But our rabbi felt that the Spirit of G-d wasn't afraid of a light bulb. As long as the photograhper didn't draw attention to himself, no one had a problem.
So, it was Beth Messiah that we would get married.
But as I looked about, I begin to see that the ugly 'clemet blocks' could be viewed as a wall. A garden wall.
So, we decided on lighted evergreen trees on either sider of the room, with a Arch draped with grapes in the back. This would give the feel of a walled Isreali Garden. I would have gone for a fountion, but it was on the pricey side.

You Look Like A Woman Loved

As we went about our wedding plans, an amazing thing happen.
It was as if Mark recieved permission to express what was truly in his arm. Always the gentleman, Mark could now be found holding my hand, playing with my hair, or holding me in his arms. He said one of the nice things about holding me; I didn't pull away, but would just allow him to hold me. His lips would often brush against my cheek or forehead.
And he allowed me to love him. He would rest his head upon my shoulder, alow me to rub his shoulder. He began open and laughed easy and often.
Between the Cancer and allowing love into his life, Mark was born anew.
I remember one day while having lunch with a friend, she said to me, "you looked like a woman who is loved."
I smiled and nodded. "I am.
We prayed together. Studied together. Worked on our wedding together and fought his cancer together.
There were times I thought this was nothing more than a dream.
But then I would look into thoses beautiful blue-green eyes and realize it was all real.
Mark loved me. And this summer, we would be married.

So The Reel Work Begins

It is now March, 2005
We have survied our first two weeks of our engagment.
We had started talking about waht kind of wedding we wished, but also the hopes and dreams of our lives together.
This included children. Mark was still going through Chemo and then there is this called my age. So Mark had asked if I would be willing to adopt a child, even if G-d willing we had our own. We both love children, so this was not a problem.
Since we had chosen our theme, for the wedding, we began to make plans.
I had been part of a Worship team before I came to Temple, so I wanted to include dance and Banners in our wedding.
Mark, being Mililary, felt it would be cool if his best man wore his Army Blues. Since our backgound is Sephardic, we wanted to add much of that tradition to our service. And more importanty, we wanted people to see the Love that Messiah has for His Bride in our wedding. Just as one day Yeshua is coming for His bride for the Huppah He is preparing for us, so Mark and I wanted people to see G-d in our wedding.
So the first step; set a date.
August 26, 2005. I would have preferred June, but agreed to August.
Next, picked our wedding party. Mark's best friend Sam was chosen as Best Man and the little girl who prayed for "Mark to safty return to Laini," Elana would be my flower girl. We wanted the Huppah to be hand held so, we picked Tony, Josh, Paul and Buddy. They would serve as our witnesses.
Menu: MiddleEastern of course; Azar's
Sarah recommneded a florist.
I knew where to get the cake: Naa's
I had brought a beautiful, simple ivory dress I thought would be lovely, but since Mark wanted a formal wedding, Sarah and I set a date to visit David Bridal.
Rabbi Joe would of course perform the ceremony.
The only problem was the place. Mark wanted at Beth Messiah.
I didn't.

Planning a Jewish Wedding Part 2: Tradition!

A Jewish wedding in Spain....

An Moroccan Jewish wedding.....

From Yentli.....

From Fiddler on The Roof...
When we think of Jewish weddings, movies such as Yenti and Fiddler On the Roof , often come to mind.
But there is no such thing as a 'traditional Jewish Wedding."

Yes, we have wonderful, beautiful traditions that makes our wedding beautiful and spiritual. But each wedding also reflects the style, taste and spirit of each couple being married.

There are different traditions between the Ashkenazic (Fiddler on the Roof comes to mind) and Sephardic Jews , which takes on a Middle East, Mediterranean, North African flavor.
I have attended a Jewish wedding that was a military wedding and one at the beach. I also knew a couple that blended their culture of Jewish and Hindu.
Every wedding should-no must! be an expression of the couple. It reveals not only their faith, but who they are as a couple and taste of what their lives may be like.
During the time of our engagement, Rabbi Joe was teaching on the Book of Revelation. It is the Wedding of The High Priest (Yeshua) to the daughter of the High Priest (we the community of believers). This gave Mark and I the Theme of our Wedding; A Royal Wedding.