Back to Iraq

When Mark and I were first becoming friends, there was one evening I found him asleep on my sofa. And I had to softy wake him up. He felt so bad, but I told him I was flatter; it met that he felt comfortable. He told me that I was a "strange, rare lady." Then he looked me straight in the eye and said "I feel like I am home here."
And that is why he spend so much time with me; he felt safe, he flet at home.
That night at Mark's Happy Birthday-Welcome Home-Come Back Safe party, I was feeling sad, for I would have to say goodbye for another six months. And it was hard.
I remembe Mark speaking to someone and pointing to me saying: "Laini is mad at me because I have to go back."
I came over and said, "Yes, I am sorry to sse you go and will miss you every much. But I also know you have a job to do and I am very proud of your service to this country. And I will be here waiting for you when you get back."
He was pleased with that answer.
After the evening was over, he drove me home and said, "Well, I'll see you later." Everyone had recieved hugs. I get "I"ll see you later."
I reminded him that he had an order of brownies he had to take back for the buddie covering for him. So, he said he would come by early before he flew out and pick them up.
I called my mum in tears, stating everyone got hugs and kisses, I get 'see you later!'My mum is so wise.
"Laini, do you know that he did that because it is so hard for him to say goodbye to you. That you are the hardest one for him to leave?"
I felt better.
As said, a buddie covered for Mark and he said his lady made the best brownies (I didn't know at the time he was calling me his lady) and she made Mark promise to have me make brownies for her. Which I did. So they were safe in the freezer until Mark's return.
He stopped by and came for the brownies and said he was glad he got to see me one more time before he left. I prayed for him and walked him to the door, knowing his father was waiting for him. He gave me one more hug and then bend down. He started to kiss me....then ran out the door, waving and yelling he would see me soon.
There was no longer any doubt in my mind.
Mark loved me.

Now, About the Camel

My camel from Iraq

I wasn't the only one writing Mark at this time. Years ago, his younger sister had given him as stuffed animal, Mr.Bunnie. One day, when I was helping Mark pack up his apartment for his deployment, I noticed Mr.Bunnie and that his head was almost coming off. So I offered to repair him. Mark jumped at the suggestion.
A few days later, I called Mark and told him Mr.Bunnie was better. He hurried to my home. It was so cute....watching this 6ft 4in gentle gaint hugging his Bunnie.
Well, I couldn't picture Mr. Bunnie alone (along with the Tazmaine Devil) being locked up in that cold apartment for a year, so they came home with me.
So, Mr.bunnie, Taz and I would write Mark weekly. And they backed me up with the Camel.
Except, we wanted a live Camel.
But Mark said his CO would have a problem with that.
But it was a wonderful two weeks.
First, I was very shocked--but pleased--there were only two days that I did not see Mark. He wanted to be with me. One or two days, yes. But I thought he would wish to hang out with other friends and family, even meet with Rabbi.
But, it was me he wished to be with.
As always, we had a great time, just hanging out, going to visit my mum, going to services, etc.
But there was something else. Mark didn't look good. I thought it was just he was tired from war and he needed some good food and rest.
One evening, after spending an afternoon out, he had supper at my apartment. Mark would wash the dishes. But this time, he asked if he could just lay down on my sofa, he was really tired.
No problem. He was here to rest, not to work. Soon, I could hear him sleep on my sofa.

There he laid, curled upon the sofa, holding Mr.Bunnie. And yes, I took a picture. But I also notice how much he was sweating. It was a warm Spring, but not that warm.
But, I had accidently dropped a pan and he did not wake up! The phone rang twice, he did not wake up!
But when there was a knock on my front door, Mark was upon his feet, standing gurad at the door. He wasn't home, but in Iraq. I had to assure him that I knew who was at the door and everything was fine. He did not move the whole time I was at the door with the teen-age boy who came to return a pan his grandmother had borrowed.
It wasn't until I said he looked like: "Halt! or I will shoot you with my Bunnie." that we both laughed.
But flash backs are real, and I realize that to expect him to leave a warzone and then step back into his life like nothing has changed is wrong. I also realize that with me, he felt safe.
A few nights later, we were invited to Shabbath supper. Plus since the day before was his birthday, they had a birthday cake for dessert. We had fun that evening and the family prayed for Mark before he left. Little Elanna, my name sake, prayed "Father bring Mr. Mark home sooner!" The prayers of a child.
Little Elanna plays a role in this story as well.
The next day, we were planning to have supper with our friends Paul and Sarah. But unbeknowest to Mark, this was also a surprise birthday party for Mark as well. It was also bitter-sweet; for this would be Mark's last evening home before he returns to Iraq.
I had asked Mark what kind of cake he wanted for his birthday. He said a triple layed German Chocolate cake. My eyes widen.
"Do you know what your asking for?"
"Yes! That's what I want."
OK. I have never denied Mark anything and if he wanted a triple layed German Chocolate Cake, that is what I will make...
Mark wanted to tell this story and it is in an earlier entry....

The Birthday Cake

On this morning, Mark was given the honour of carrying the Torah before it was read. A high honour, given in thanks that Mark returned home safe and sound.

Mark:
The Birthday Cake
I know that my Beloved has been speaking to you all of memorable moments in our courtship, so I will tell you about The Birthday Cake. You see, my Beloved is a wonderful cook, and she loves to make things for me. In fact, she will tell everyone that she won my heart through my stomach, specifically LASAGNA! Well back to my story:
I was home on leave from my first deployment, and Laini wanted to know what I wanted for a birthday cake. Since I am a fan of German Chocolate cake with the traditional coconut frosting, I told her I wanted a triple layer German Chocolate cake with the coconut frosting. She looked at me increadulously and asked if I knew what I was asking for. I said, "Yep, that is what I want...a triple layer German Chocolate cake."
Well my Beloved said, "Okay, I never deny my Beloved anything he desires." And she didn't. When I came over the next day, she showed me my birthday cake. It was three layers like I asked. I looked at it with shock and horror. Here was this cake that was almost a foot tall. The third layer was breaking apart in the middle, and of course, since each box can make two layers, and she had to buy two boxes to make my cake, there was a separate layer. When she saw the look on my face, she cracked up. the only thing she said was, "I never deny my Beloved anything he wants."
Well, we went to my "suprise" birthday party with this monstrous cake. I'm looking at this thing thinking to myself, "How am I ever going to eat this thing?" To make matters worse, Suzanne also made me a chocolate bunt cake, and several other people also brought me cakes. I WAS SWIMMING IN CAKES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
To make matters worse, Paul and Sarah, our friends told us they were going to be going away, so we could not put anything in their refrigerater. Hehehe. As the night progressed, I had a piece from "MY BIRTHDAY CAKE," and knowing I could not eat any more, I asked Laini to cover me while I snuck the cake into Paul and Sarah's refrigerater. Yeah, I know they said no, but what are friends for? Besides I was leaving in the morning, and it would be at least a day before they realized what happened. I would be well on my way back to Iraq by then... Hehehe.

Laini's notes: The funny thing is, when Paul and Sarah saw the cake in the fridge the next day, they knew Mark had put in in there. However, it would be several months before they learned that I covered Mark as 'Operation Put Cake in Fridge' was in progress .

As promised, here are some pictures fron Mark's birthday, parties, including the German Chocolate Cake. This is from Mark's first deplpyment, 2004
This set of pictures are from the birthday party our friends the Burts gave for Mark. The pretty little girl is Elana, who shares my hebrew name. She would also later be my flower girl.

The Sabbath he came home, Mark was given the honour of carrying the Torah that morning. We were all so glad he came home safe and well.
And this is the German chocolate cake you read about. The three layer Cake that was so big and heavy that it began to break in the center. This is the night before Mark had to return to Iraq. We didn't know it then, but Mark was in the beginning stages of Cancer.
While Mark home, a fellow soldier covered for him. The deal? Mark had to bring back Brownies. Mark said his girlfriend made the best Brownies and when he came home, he asked if I could fufill this request. This woman was serving in Iraq and I was going to say no?! Mark took this picture to show that she did recieve the Brownies; intact.

Back in the States

From the end of December 03 to Feb 04, I truly thought I had lost my bestfriend. I would later leran that that:
1. two family members had a role in the huge blowup we had (his)
2. Mark did some major soul searching, knew he was wrong and had to not only rebuild the relationship, but my trust.
The turning point came when he realize that he should have talked to me, since it was our relationship. Mark had always been a loner and not use to sharing his life with others outside his family. I won his trust enough to let into his space.
I also realize I also had some trust issuses to work out. I had to be more, not less patience with my bestfriend.
So, between March and April, Mark was on R%R. He did some traveling in Poland and Germany, then came home.
I knew he would be in the States and I looked forward to seeing my friend, reminding myself he was "my friend."
One spring Shabbath morning as I was getting dressed for service, Mark called, letting me know he was coming to pick me up for service. The tone of his voice was upbeat and happy.
At this time, I had moved. The townhouse I was living in was marked for mowning down for an addtion of the main street, so the city moved me to a townhouse several blocks from where I use to live. So I gave Mark my new address.
I look out the door, looking for his jeep. And found it parked at the apartment across from me.
I opened my mouth to call his name....and nothing came out.
I couldn't believe it; I forgot Mark's name!
So I called "Captain Reel!"
Poor thing thought he was back in Iraq.
He spotted me, jumped back into the jeep and turned around, and finding me, came running and wrapping me in his arms, he lifted me off my feet. (and that is no easy task!)
He was as handsome as always, wearing that big beautiful smile, his blue-green eyes huge.
Mark was in love.
With me.
And he had the camel to prove it.

The Camel
Believe it or not, I have a love of Camels. Don't be surprise if you ever read about Mark and I having our own Camel farm. Or is it stable? It isn't just their eyes, but their whole spirit. They know what they do and don't like and have a pretty good way of letting you know hwo they feel about a thing.
And I had told Mark I wanted a Camel and a copy of 10001 Arbaian Nights.
So, as the story goes, just before he left Baghad, Mark told a friend that his lady would a Camel. And since the army frowned upon him bringing home a real one, he had to find the next best thing. So, his buddy told him of a toy store in the Green Zone where they might have what he was looking for. So, off Mark went, looking high and low, until he found the Camel he knew I would like.
So, that morning, after getting the air squeezed out of me and he came in the new townhouse, he handed me my Camel.
This man, in a warzone, went out to find and buy a Camel for me.

Now tell me that isn't love?

Slow and Steady

I had my friend back.
But I also had to guide my heart. It had been hurt enough. And I didn't wish to risk it again.
We started talking more. A friend gave me calling cards that cut the cost of calling Iraq on my part. During this time, Mark's brother was getting maried and Mark asked me to make a wedding sample for him as a gift. This being my business, of course I was paid. Busniess was pretty good as well.
And then came the call that changed everything. Mark would have a month's R&R. We had some friends that would be in Poland for a few weeks. So my job was to find out where they would be staying and let him know. And since I was praying for my friend's trip, it was an easy time to find out their travel plans.
O how I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall when Mark called our friend Chuck at supper! To learn that the soldier they had been praying for was now in Poland! What a reunion! But no one knew my role behind the meeting...not for several weeks.
Mark did come home the last two weeks of his visit. Like this year, he came home during Passover. He had tried to attend a Seder while in Poland, but it didn't work out.
Then, one Shabbath, I recieved the call; "Laini, I'm coming to pick you up for Shabbath."
Just like old times.

Meanwhile, Back at the Ranch.....

First Post May 2008:
Well, between Mark's coming home for R&R and our great adventure during his visit (you can read all about that in our journal http://itsareelthing.blogspot.com/ ) it has been a while since I have written in this jounral and now it is time to continue the story.....

Now where did I leave off....oh yeah! I ended my relationship with Mark.
That was one of the toughest two months of my life.

I knew in my heart Mark loved me; I knew in my heart we were met to be.
Or was I wrong? Was it really G-d I felt leading or just wishful thinking? These are the times of testing we all hate, but know are needful in order for us to grow into the mature, believers we wish to be. I had never known G-d to lie to me.
But I also knew there were a few challenges Mark had to face, to deal with. And that was something only he and G-d could work out. And to be honest, there were those who did not wish to see us together.
It was hard not to pick up the phone or write him. And I didn't. But I cried alot.
And then Feburay 14th, I recieved a phone call: "Hey Laini!"
Believe it or not, at first, I didn't even know who it was. it took a moment. "Long time," he said.
Frankly, I never expected to hear from him again.
Shortly after the blow up, there was a cooling off period nefore we began to slowly patch things up.

Mark began to call more and more. He told me he missed me, missed hearing my voice. And he needed to know if I had truly forgiven him. Mark told me of an orphanage he worked with. I asked if they could use some stuffed aninmals and he said yes. So I made some stuff animals for the children, praying other each and send them out.
I remember the call when the box arrived to Iraq with the stuffed animals. Mark said the children loved them. I just wish he had taken a picture of the children with thier new friends.

The more we spoke, the more I knew two things;
1.I had my friend back.
2.This relationship wasn't over.

Willing to Let Go

To say I was shocked was an understatment.

As I stated before, it was around October that I felt a cooling of the relationship. But I didn't know why.

A few months later, during the Winter Holidays, I would learn why.

I was accursed of trying to intrap Mark into marriage. That I saw him as an easy mark, meal ticket. That I was after his military paycheck. After all, being a Captian's wife isn't too bad...
First, that was not the nature of our relationship. We were the best of friends. Mark had expressed deep feelings for me, but he put that aside because of the war, thinking asking me to wait for him was unfair. As Messianic Believers in the One True G-d, we both had taken a moral stance, chosing to lead a g-dly, moral life. Yes, as shocking as it sounds, we both were celibrate.

Did I care for Mark?

Yes, very much so.

Was I sitting home planning a wedding? However, this is what Mark was told and he believed it.

No. Mark was not sure of where he stood and I did not push. In fact, when I felt a cooling upon his part, I realize how my heart was indeed tied to this man. And I took a step back.
I will not say what was said or who said. There is no need. The matter is settled and I have forgiven and moved on.

I will say this; I made it clear to Mark that I was hurt by he would believe the worse about me without at least coming to me about the matter. I made it clear I was angry.
Mark, realized his mistake and not only asked for my forgivness, but also realize that he almost lost that which was dear to him; his friendship with me.
It took time for me to heal. My heart was broken. And I did one of the hardest things I'd ever done.
I let Mark go.
Several months before, Mark had been calling me and left me his number so I could call him from time to time.
I stopped calling. I stopped writing snail mail and e-mail. I even stopped looking for his e-mail. I knew it would take time, but I had to let him go. So that my heart could heal and once again regain the balance needed to be Mark's friend; and just Mark's friend, I let him go.
I did a lot of crying those three months.

People come into our lives for a reason, for a season.....
And then, the second week of Feburany I recieved a phone. At first I couldn't place the voice.
Ir couldn't be...
"Hi Laini! This is Mark...."