Tuesday, 31 March 2009

Put Them In Check

This lovely couple are not only best buddies, but family, Rudy and Jereel.
And during the preparation of our wedding, Rudy saved many a life.
One of the things I came to realize is dispite the face we were an older couple and paying for our own wedding, that people, friend and family, would still feel they had the right to say something about our wedding.
"Why do you have to have such a big wedding?"
"Why don't you just elope or go to the Justice of the Peace?"
"It's isn't going to be a Jewish Wedding, is it?"
"You'd been married before, what's the big deal?"

And then there is my all time favorite: "Your not wearing white, are you?"
No, I wore ivory and if I did chose to wear white that would be MY business. In a Jewish wedding, it isn't about how many times you have been married. A Jewish wedding is about celebrating a new beginning, a new creation. This bride and this groom make a new family. White is wore to celebrate a fresh start; white is the sign of joy and happiness. That is why a Jewish woman, whether widow or divorced wears white, because this is a new beginning.
Mark, knowing my heart, wanted to give me the wedding of my dreams. He wanted to celebrate his love for me and this wedding was his love gift to me, his beloved.
I remember one Shabbat, in tears, speaking to Rudy because of the trouble we were having.
"Tell me ask you a few questions," I remember Rudy saying.
"Who is Mark marrying? Who is paying for this wedding? If they don't have a shilling in that pound, then girlfriend, you need to put those folks in check."
How right she was.
So the next time someone had something to say about the Wedding, I simply said: "Mark and I figured out how much we wish to spend on this wedding. How much are you planning to chip in?"
A few days later, I had to inform someone at Beth Messiah that Mark told me to tell anyone who has a problem with how we are doing things, come talk to him.
Problem solved.

In May, we had members on both side of the families become ill. Mark and I were running here, there and everywhere taking care of this person, looking after that person, along with planning our wedding. And in the mist, we saw once again, hands working to pull us apart.
Having sat down with our Rabbi, it was decicded to push up the wedding date to June. This way we could deal with all that we facing as a couple.
We were thankful the vendors were able to work with us. But this met the lost of several memebers of our wedding party, but thankfully we had enough time to do some adjustments
And I felt better with getting married in June.
But this meant we had to work twice as hard and fast on the Huppah.


Holly said...

I love following your blog. And I can really relate to this entry.

When my husband and I got married, 6 years and 10 months ago, we were in our thirties and we too were paying for this ourselves. We could not make my mother happy with any decisions.

We did make the decision to bump up the date and to elope to save me from her grief. It was a lovely, small ceremony in a flower garden in Niagara Falls - but I do regret that my mother-in-law was not there. She was the sweetest person who walked the face of the earth.

I do hope someday we can renew our vows with a big, beautiful celebration!

Mark and Elayne said...

Thanks Holly: and thanks for stopping by. Funny how parnets still think they can control our lives. I am really trying to wrap it up. And I do hope you can have the big, beautiful wedding of your dreams. I know many who have done this and they said that was more meaningful.