Sunday, 12 October 2008

The Confrontation

After 18 months, Mark was coming home.
And he was being confronted by all he knew about his relationship with me.
All anyone ever heard Mark talk about other than the L-rd, the Torah, was me. For a while it was accepted we were friend.
But now friends and family wanted to to know what was the real state of our relationship. What is really happening? Were we truly just friends or more?
Even Rabbi asked Mark point blank.
One summer morning, just before Mark's trip to Europe, he called and said he wanted to spend the day with me. Service @ Beth Messiah and then lunch.
The sermon was about being stubborn. There was a statement about when your in the military, sometimes you forget to 'take off the umiform'. Well, Mark got mad over the statement and things got worsr when I agreed with the statement.\
I had to gently point out, there are those times, I see my friend Mark and then there are others, it is Captain Reel.
But there was something wrong! Mark wa so short tempered and easy to offend and that wans't like him. I put it on his return from Iraq, major stress and his month's vacation would do him a world of good.
It didn't.
One month later, I would learn Mark was back in town; through a friend. He didn't even bother to call me.
He had enrolled back in school and was looking for an apartment. And clearly cutting ties with me.
Well, I wanted answers!
I spend 18 months, praying, writing letters, making cookies, reciveing phone calls@ 2 am and making international calls, gathering support and to be kicked to the curb without even a thank you?
Oh heck No!
I even found an apartment for him, only to learn he found one and said nothing. When he realize I was upset we got into a fight and he hung up on me.
Big mistake.
I called back and chewed him out.
Later, I learned he was in class and that wasn't the time to hash this thing out
The next day, he picked me up at a friend's and in his jeep we had a huge blowup. Clearly, whatever had been there was now over.
He asked to see "mama J" (his name for my mum.)
I quickly corrected him: she was my and Mrs j to you! In fact, I am not Laini, but Elayne. This took him aback. Since there was no relationship, new lines had to be drawn. His shock was how quickly I drew them.
After our visit, he took me home and I packed up everything he ever gave me in his duffy bag and handed it back to him.
Mark said he realize that I wasn't just angry, but kicked him to the curb when I shoved Mr.Bunnie into his bag along with his pictures an tee-shirts he had given me. I told him I wanted nothing of and from him. I reminded him of something his dad had once said: "One day your going to say something to someone that will do so much damage, I'm sorry won't fit it."
This was that day.
Mark began to calmed down and realized that I was not only angry, but hurt. And he had done it. Suddenly a light had turned on; the person he needed and cared about, he managed to push away. And it wasn't what he wanted. And "I'm sorry wasn't going to fix it."
I saw the little boy, frighten by what he had done and wondering what he could do to repair the damage.
Something was wrong; this wasn't the person I knew before he went to Iraq. Yes, I was angry and I needed to let him know how I felt by his actions. But there was something else besides coming home from Iraq an d adjusting to life in the states.
It was fear.
He was afraid to love me and yet, to let me go.
I didn't know it at the time, but Mark was also sick.

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