Friday, 10 October 2008

Willing to Let Go

To say I was shocked was an understatment.
As I stated before, it was around October that I felt a cooling of the relationship. But I didn't know why.
A few months later, during the Winter Holidays, I would learn why.

I was accursed of trying to intrap Mark into marriage. That I saw him as an easy mark, meal ticket. That I was after his military paycheck. After all, being a Captian's wife isn't too bad...
First, that was not the nature of our relationship. We were the best of friends. Mark had expressed deep feelings for me, but he put that aside because of the war, thinking asking me to wait for him was unfair. As Messianic Believers in the One True G-d, we both had taken a moral stance, chosing to lead a g-dly, moral life. Yes, as shocking as it sounds, we both were celibrate.

Did I care for Mark?

Yes, very much so.

Was I sitting home planning a wedding? However, this is what Mark was told and he believed it.

No. Mark was not sure of where he stood and I did not push. In fact, when I felt a cooling upon his part, I realize how my heart was indeed tied to this man. And I took a step back.
I will not say what was said or who said. There is no need. The matter is settled and I have forgiven and moved on.

I will say this; I made it clear to Mark that I was hurt by he would believe the worse about me without at least coming to me about the matter. I made it clear I was angry.
Mark, realized his mistake and not only asked for my forgivness, but also realize that he almost lost that which was dear to him; his friendship with me.
It took time for me to heal. My heart was broken. And I did one of the hardest things I'd ever done.
I let Mark go.
Several months before, Mark had been calling me and left me his number so I could call him from time to time.
I stopped calling. I stopped writing snail mail and e-mail. I even stopped looking for his e-mail. I knew it would take time, but I had to let him go. So that my heart could heal and once again regain the balance needed to be Mark's friend; and just Mark's friend, I let him go.
I did a lot of crying those three months.

People come into our lives for a reason, for a season.....
And then, the second week of Feburany I recieved a phone. At first I couldn't place the voice.
Ir couldn't be...
"Hi Laini! This is Mark...."

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