Sunday, 12 October 2008

High Holy Day and Restoration

Once Mark realize was he who gave everyone the idea there was more to our relationship than friendship and he had to become clear in his mind what he wanted, from me, from life, things between us became to calmed down.
It took several hours, but that evening we did go to supper and continue to talk. It was clear Mark was doing a lot of soul searching and my giving him the deep chill went a long way in doing so.
Within a week's time we started hanging out together. I helped him setup his new apartment, met his new roommates and went to Temple together.

We both knew that this relationship was important to us, but I had been deeply hurt by his actions.
Mark, realizing how much he had hurt me, worked hard to repair our relationship. He began more honest with his feelings, even the fears that was holding him at bay. It was this move that made me realize he really was sorry and wanted to begin again.
It was the Rosh Hashanah, Jewish New Year. The time of new beginnings, to forgive and be forgiven.

The night before, Ere Rosh Hashananh, Mark misunderstood something I said and we exchanged heated words. We didn't even get to enjoy the Apples and Honey for a Sweet New Year.
When we got to his apartment, I packed up my share of the grociers, ready to tell Mark to drop dead and catch a cab home, when Mark, listening to a message went white.
I was still yelling when he stated; "The the clinic called. My lungs are full of black massives and they have ordered a CT for three days time."
Suddenly, all my anger was gone I was holding my bestfriend.
A few minutes later, I called a friend, a former R.N and told her all the inforation I had on hand. I had already knew in my heart what this was.
My girlfriend comfirm my worst fears; get Mark to a doctor quick; this could be Non-Hopkin Lympha.

That evening, I was laying in my bed praying, knowing Mark was doing the same in his apartment.
The words we had exchanged seen so foolish in this new light. As I prayed, I was once again reminded of the stress this man had been under; war does that. He came home changed; war does that to a person. It messes with one's head, one's soul and emotions. And what kind of friend was I being? My bestfriend needed me more than ever and I'd ready to kick him to the curb?
And now because of this war, my best friend is very ill.
As much as G-d has forgivn me, I can't forgive him?
How can I call myself a believer and withhold forgivness to anyone?
Suddnely, the High Holy Days took on new meaning.
I asked G-d to forgive my allowing my heart to become hard and that I was indeed willing to forgive my best friend.
The man I truly loved.

And during the morning services for Rosh Hashanah, I told Mark I forgave him.
I saw the tears well in his eyes as he hugged me.
During a break in the service, he took me to his jeep and handed me back the duffle bag I had returned to him two weeks ago, including his pictures and Mr.Bunnie.

It seems Mr.Bunnie was hoping Miss Laini would "Love us again." Mark said he held onto the duffle bag, hoping I would change my mind.
As my mum pointed out, my pulling away would make Mark realize what ans who he wanted. The next following days, were the Ten days (days of Awe) before Yom Kippur, we to seek forgivness, forgive, pay debts and right wrongs.
This was also a very interesting time for I finally got Mark to see a doctor. I had notice one side of his neck was swollen and he was sweating all the time. He was moody and flew off the handle at the drop of an hat. Most put it on his adjusting to being back in the States, tired, or even an infestion. I said no, there was something wrong.
And now with the clinic's report, we would learn what was truly wrong.

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