Sunday, 12 October 2008

The Testing of Our Faith

I got to see Mark a few minutes that evening.
It was so funny.

Doctor Overman, (the doctor on Mark's case) told me that while the surgery was going on, Mark started to get the hiccups! And when I saw him, Mark still had them.
One of the blessings in all of this was we learned that the Team that would be working on Mark were the top surgeons in the hosptial, top in their field. So Mark was in the hands of the best.
The doctors came in while I was there with his parnets. Still, nothing was said about their findings. Since I don't drive, Mark asked his dad to bring me to see him the next day.
So, the next day, I spend the afternoon with Mark.

And he still had the hiccups. No one knew what was causing them. I did have to ask the nurse for another gown; the one they gave Mark was rather short and he was flashing me!
And we didn't have that kind of an relationship....
Personally, I think the nurse who gave him that gown thought he had a cute tush and she wanted to see it from time to time.
Later, during supper, which we shared together, one of the surgeons came in to speak to Mark. I offered to leave the room, but was asked to stay.
It became clear, no one had told Mark or his family their findings.
It had been taken for granted that I was Mark's wife, until I told people we weren't. It was clear how close we were (are) and that is why I was told so much. And frankly I found it both an honour and a burden.
I called Rabbi when I got home and told him what was going on. What bothered me the most was:

I knew Mark had cancer. Mark did not.
And I would have to carry that knowlege for another six days.
Rabbi said it was clear that the doctors felt I could handle this better than Mark right now. And that since Dr. Overman felt I was the stronger one, it would be my strenght he would lean on.
After speaaking to Rabbi and knowing what he said was true, I prayed, needing G-d's strenght and wisdom as to how to handle this situration. I needed His Grace and Wisdom.
Mark and I had always been able to talk about any and everything. He has always trusted me.
I could only hope he continue to feel that way when he learns I knew he had cancer before he did.

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