Wednesday, 15 October 2008

The Fear of My Heart

The Fear in My Heart
People tell me all the time that I am a strong woman. But the fear of rejection ran deep. I loved Mark and knew he loved me, but fear ruled my heart. I would however, learn one December evening, just before our families met that Mark too had that same fear.
It seem that there was another woman, one he loved. In 1998, Mark had a car accident that not only almost took his left leg, but his life. It was while h was in hosptial, that he learned why she hadn't come to see him or atleast call. She was seeing someone else. And when he needed her most, she wasn't there. And Mark had guraded his heart ever since.
I told him I was paying for someone else's sins. I wasn't the one who left. I have been here all of the time. I have been here during his deployment to Iraq and now as he battles Cancer. My name isn't....
I remember one evening we had a fight and I was about to leave when he said: "what makes you think I would let you just walk out that door."
"Then give me a reason to stay!"
I added the video above because that is how I felt the whole time. How I long to say I Love You. But the fear of rejection was just too strong.
So I had to let my actions speak for me.


DB said...

That fear of rejection has just about ruled my life. I understand it. It's best to stay cenetered with ourselves and our faith,no matter how hard it is. Love
DB - The Vagabond

natalie said...

what a beautful comment about your faith in each other! great!