Tuesday, 14 October 2008

The Next; Chemo

Things moved quickly.
The following week, Mark had his port put in.

The Port is the site where the Chemo meds would be injected into his body, thus saving his veins.
But that was a hard day for Mark. That morning he recieved the Port, then a few hours after recovering from having the Port placed (it is an operation) he recieved his first treatment of Chemo.
He looked so weak and it was hard to see the man I so leaned on, always so strong and there for me, the man who was always taking care of me, was suddenly, weak and sick.

How my heart broke. All I could do was hold his hand and wipe his forehead. How I wanted to take this disease away from him and into myself.
Funny, when the nurse removed the tape from his chest, it pulled his chest hair. Mark kept telling me; "Laini, he pulled my chest hair." Finally, I offered to beat the nurse up.
"O, would you?" was his answer.
He was so weak, we had to get a wheelchair for him to wheel Mark to the car. I was invited to his parnets home for supper. I thought Mark would fall asleep in his food.
But the next day!

In the afternoon I got a call from Mark. He was bright eye ans brushy tail, wanting to go to Ere Shabbath service.
When he arrived later at my home, I am trying to figure out who this person was. What did they mix in his Chemo. The man was higher than a kite. As we rode to Temple, I felt like I was riding with Speed Racer and was hanging on for dear life.
As I entered the temple, several asked how was Mark, knowing this was his first day. I said, "ask him!" The man did not look like he had just recieved Chemo, but was boucing off the walls. I wouldn't even allow him to drink a Coke!
We went for a walk after the service to help walk off his enegery. The next day, he had just as much engery, but he said he did sleep well.
This is going to be interesting. But then, my relationship with Mark has has been anything but dull.

My Confession
I have confession to make;
I was angry.
I was angry because Mark had survived a war, only to come home and enter into the fight of his life; Cancer.
Mark never asked why. I did.
I will never say G-d gave Mark Cancer, but He allowed it. For His purposes. But it force me to be honest about my feelings for Mark. I had to be honest with me. Yes, I loved him and I told G-d that which He already knew. And I prayed for Mark. Whether He chose a mircale or work through the doctors, nurses and meds, then do so. But I prayed for my bestfriend, for the man I loved. And there was no doublt, though I didn't say the words that I loved him.
Both Iraq and Cancer brought us closer together.
But was I just his bestfriend and now nurse? Or did this finally force Mark to face his love for me?
For Mark, he never asked why, but it did bother him that he would come home from Iraq sick.
He was more frighten of what the future held. He said he also realize that he loved me.
And he didn't wish to leave me.

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